I could not even begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard phrases like “wow twins, you must be busy”, “I couldn’t imagine twins”, or “they must keep you busy”. I usually just smile politely and say yes but know it my mind that no matter what my heart is full and that’s what matters. After all I went through to have my babies I will never ever think of anything but gratefulness and love.
I will however admit though that parenting multiples has its own set of struggles. While watching Tuesday’s episode of This Is Us last night my heart just ached watching Mandy Moore’s character Rebecca struggle with raising her multiples because I could completely relate.
Raising little humans is hard. Add in little humans who are the same age and you have a whole new world complications open up to you. When your children are going through the stages of life at the same time it becomes easy to compare them, have the same expectations, and generally treat them like they are one. It is hard to separate these two individuals and treat them differently when they are going through all the motions together.
How do I make sure each is getting their necessary amount of attention? Am I giving them enough space to be the amazing individuals they are? Am I empowering them to be those individuals? Do both feel equally loved or do they feel like the other gets more attention?
Having one child with special needs has certainly compounded these thoughts. All the times Patrick was picked up from school and Michael left behind because he had to go to therapy or Patrick getting special attention and treatment because of his needs, has this affected Michael?
I know my boys love each other fiercely and will defend the other against anyone no matter what but I do not want them resenting the other or me because I have failed to give them what they need.
Pat and I do our best to allow their personalities to shine. To have special one on one time with each apart from the other. We also try to help our family and friends understand that they are individuals as well with different likes and dislikes. I know when we enter the world of elementary school a whole new obstacle course will come before us.
At the end of the day we all do our best. We love the best we can. We discipline the best we know. Parenting is hard. There is no rule book or guideline. To top it off every circumstance and child is different. I have to balance raising them together at the same time while also making sure they get what they need individually. I just hope I don’t mess them up too much. 🙂