One Way I Relate to “This Is Us”

I could not even begin to tell you how many times I’ve heard phrases like “wow twins, you must be busy”, “I couldn’t imagine twins”, or “they must keep you busy”.  I usually just smile politely and say yes but know it my mind that no matter what my heart is full and that’s what matters.  After all I went through to have my babies I will never ever think of anything but gratefulness and love.

I will however admit though that parenting multiples has its own set of struggles.  While watching Tuesday’s episode of This Is Us last night my heart just ached watching Mandy Moore’s character Rebecca struggle with raising her multiples because I could completely relate.

Raising little humans is hard.  Add in little humans who are the same age and you have a whole new world complications open up to you.  When your children are going through the stages of life at the same time it becomes easy to compare them, have the same expectations, and generally treat them like they are one.  It is hard to separate these two individuals and treat them differently when they are going through all the motions together.

How do I make sure each is getting their necessary amount of attention?  Am I giving them enough space to be the amazing individuals they are?  Am I empowering them to be those individuals?  Do both feel equally loved or do they feel like the other gets more attention?

Having one child with special needs has certainly compounded these thoughts.  All the times Patrick was picked up from school and Michael left behind because he had to go to therapy or Patrick getting special attention and treatment because of his needs, has this affected Michael?

I know my boys love each other fiercely and will defend the other against anyone no matter what but I do not want them resenting the other or me because I have failed to give them what they need.

Pat and I do our best to allow their personalities to shine.  To have special one on one time with each apart from the other.  We also try to help our family and friends understand that they are individuals as well with different likes and dislikes.  I know when we enter the world of elementary school a whole new obstacle course will come before us.

At the end of the day we all do our best.  We love the best we can.  We discipline the best we know.  Parenting is hard.  There is no rule book or guideline.  To top it off every circumstance and child is different.  I have to balance raising them together at the same time while also making sure they get what they need individually.  I just hope I don’t mess them up too much. 🙂

Live Your Passion

What does this mean to you?  What does “Live Your Passion” truly mean?  I had a lot of passion growing up, especially in my teens.  Just ask my parents and then can tell you all about my many passions!  But really, I believed in causes, lived for dance, and a number of other things.  Then adulthood hit.  My 20’s seemed to have been spent just wandering through trying to be successful in college, then start a career, start a life, getting married, and then trying to start a family.  Sure, I enjoyed what I did and am certainly happy with my career path and family but is that the same as living your passion?  I really started to understand this a couple years ago.

Being diagnosed with PCOS and struggling with fertility did something to re-ignite the passion in me.  Once again I had something to fight for.  Someone to fight for.  I have certainly spent much time dabbling in the fight against infertility which lead me to learn so much about the other things I am so passionate about and want to spread my knowledge and views with the world.

It’s strange though, I think that we all get sucked up in our day to day lives and the “busy” our society has created for ourselves that we forget we are hear for a greater purpose and we all need to figure out what that greater purpose is.  I was moving my way toward that light for a few years and then it seemed like once I hit 30 a wall came tumbling down around me allowing me to move forward and live my passion.  Perhaps it was because my family and life are in a pretty good place.  (Trust me, by good I mean no where near perfect.  All families have baggage and are a constant work in progress.)  Perhaps 30 hit and I realized I needed to do more with my life than the a-typical career woman, mother and wife gig.  Not that I do not love my life but I want to have some sort of an impact in this world.

I’m not here to preach that everyone needs to eat healthy, feed the hungry, rid ourselves of chemicals, talk about Autism, and the other numerous life changes I advocate for.  I’m here to preach that you need to live your passion.  Find what gives you that butterflies in the stomach excited feeling, a sense of purpose, a sense of accomplishment.  Yes, having a career and family and being successful is important, admirable, and you should be oh so proud of yourself.  But find what makes you feel good.  What brings you to life?  It can be collecting rocks for all I care but do something!  Get a hobby.  Advocate.  Run a marathon.  Join a charity.  Be that example for your children.  I’m not sure what your passion is, no one can tell you, you need to figure that our for yourself.  But I promise you, once you find it, nothing can stop you.  So go, find your passion and live it.

Why do we hide?

Okay World, I am back.  For real this time.  I loved blogging when I was going through my infertility journey and while I am still passionate about telling the World about my struggles in an effort to help others there are many others things I am passionate about as well.  Hence this new blog.  I want something that I speak about everything and anything that I am feeling and following.  I hope you enjoy going through this journey with me, here we go!

Something I have been thinking about a lot is why do people hide?  Why do people suffer things in silence?  I’m vocal.  I’m vocal about everything in my life.  Why?  Because I want to HELP others who may be going through similar things in their lives, I want to be a support system, and source of information.  I feel I have to much to share and have experienced so much, how can I keep it all in?

I have PCOS and this year was also diagnosed with Endometriosis.  I suffered through infertility treatments.  I was blessed enough to have IVF treatments which resulted in a twin pregnancy.  My sweet boys we born at 31 weeks and had to spend 5 weeks in the NICU.  Michael had a PDA which required two heart surgeries to have to closed which also resulted in a tear in his heart that is now a constant source of concern.  Patrick had Torticollis, and a wedged L2 vertebrae.  This past January he was also dianogsosed with Sensory Processing Disorder with Autistic Tendencies.  This is just a small snapshot.  I am also passionate about child nutrition & hunger, real food, natural living, I’m also a book nerd, history geek, and so so much more.

Do I share these things for pity or sympathy?  Absolutely not.  I suppose some may think so.  I share these things so others know they are not alone.  To inspire others to share their struggles, their triumphs, their lives.  We live in an amazing age in which we are connected to the WORLD through social media and the internet.  We have at our disposal a wealth of knowledge.  An infinite support system.

Why would we not let people know they are not alone?  Why do we allow ourselves to suffer and struggle in silence?  Have we created such a stigma in our society that we feel the need to create a persona of perfection and not let others know that our child has a learning disability?  That we can not get pregnant?  That we struggle with weight loss because of a disease called PCOS?  Why!?!?  I want to shout it from the rooftops that you are not alone!  I am here!  We all are here!  I don’t judge.  Do you?  Perhaps this is why people are so afraid to share their hurts, their struggles.  But why are we so afraid of being judged?  I have always lived by the policy (since I was very very young) that I do not care what others things of me.  I am living my life for me, not anyone else.  I so wish that we lived in a World that promoted this.  I do think we are moving that way.  I can easily see my children’s generation being very accepting and understanding of all differences and opinions.  Or perhaps this is just my hope.

All I know is I will continue to share.  I will continue to fight.  Even for those who suffer in silence.  But I know that people are watching and listening.  I absolutely love that I often get a message out of the blue from someone regarding one of the many things I talk about, whether it’s infertility, Autisim, PCOS, you name it.  And if I can be there to listen, to champion, to help, to care, then my heart is happy.  I love nothing more than helping people and striving to make a difference, if just a sliver, in this oh-so-crazy World.