Happy “Soon-to-be Mother’s Day”

This was written back in 2012 on my last blog “The PCOS and Infertility Journey” and I always think about it every year before Mother’s Day.  Even though I have been a mother for over 5 years now the raw feeling of empty arms still holds a place in my heart, along with all of the 1 in 8 people who are struggling through infertility.  Take a moment to remember the Soon-to-be Mother’s this Mother’s Day.

I know that most women struggling with infertility absolutely dread Mother’s Day, some to the point of literally hating the holiday that praises what we so desperately want to be, so I have dubbed it not only Mother’s Day but also “Soon-to-be Mother’s Day”.  I believe that Mother’s Day should incorporate all mothers, because mothers come in so many shapes and forms.  Traditional mothers, foster mothers, step mothers, Godmothers, and so many more.  So who’s to say an infertile mother does not count?  In our infertile reality a woman who longs to have a child is as much a mother as a woman with five children.  So what if we do not have an actual child to hold and care for?  It is not our fault, not our choice.  We would happily receive the crayola made cards and popsicle stick boxes if they existed in our world.  But one day they will.  So let’s focus on our mother’s and our mother-in-laws, and any other type of mother in our life.  Let’s be supportive to the infertile mother’s-to-someday-be around us.  And let’s remember, that although we do not have a child to hold in our arms we are no less of a mother than they.

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Live Your Passion

What does this mean to you?  What does “Live Your Passion” truly mean?  I had a lot of passion growing up, especially in my teens.  Just ask my parents and then can tell you all about my many passions!  But really, I believed in causes, lived for dance, and a number of other things.  Then adulthood hit.  My 20’s seemed to have been spent just wandering through trying to be successful in college, then start a career, start a life, getting married, and then trying to start a family.  Sure, I enjoyed what I did and am certainly happy with my career path and family but is that the same as living your passion?  I really started to understand this a couple years ago.

Being diagnosed with PCOS and struggling with fertility did something to re-ignite the passion in me.  Once again I had something to fight for.  Someone to fight for.  I have certainly spent much time dabbling in the fight against infertility which lead me to learn so much about the other things I am so passionate about and want to spread my knowledge and views with the world.

It’s strange though, I think that we all get sucked up in our day to day lives and the “busy” our society has created for ourselves that we forget we are hear for a greater purpose and we all need to figure out what that greater purpose is.  I was moving my way toward that light for a few years and then it seemed like once I hit 30 a wall came tumbling down around me allowing me to move forward and live my passion.  Perhaps it was because my family and life are in a pretty good place.  (Trust me, by good I mean no where near perfect.  All families have baggage and are a constant work in progress.)  Perhaps 30 hit and I realized I needed to do more with my life than the a-typical career woman, mother and wife gig.  Not that I do not love my life but I want to have some sort of an impact in this world.

I’m not here to preach that everyone needs to eat healthy, feed the hungry, rid ourselves of chemicals, talk about Autism, and the other numerous life changes I advocate for.  I’m here to preach that you need to live your passion.  Find what gives you that butterflies in the stomach excited feeling, a sense of purpose, a sense of accomplishment.  Yes, having a career and family and being successful is important, admirable, and you should be oh so proud of yourself.  But find what makes you feel good.  What brings you to life?  It can be collecting rocks for all I care but do something!  Get a hobby.  Advocate.  Run a marathon.  Join a charity.  Be that example for your children.  I’m not sure what your passion is, no one can tell you, you need to figure that our for yourself.  But I promise you, once you find it, nothing can stop you.  So go, find your passion and live it.

Why do we hide?

Okay World, I am back.  For real this time.  I loved blogging when I was going through my infertility journey and while I am still passionate about telling the World about my struggles in an effort to help others there are many others things I am passionate about as well.  Hence this new blog.  I want something that I speak about everything and anything that I am feeling and following.  I hope you enjoy going through this journey with me, here we go!

Something I have been thinking about a lot is why do people hide?  Why do people suffer things in silence?  I’m vocal.  I’m vocal about everything in my life.  Why?  Because I want to HELP others who may be going through similar things in their lives, I want to be a support system, and source of information.  I feel I have to much to share and have experienced so much, how can I keep it all in?

I have PCOS and this year was also diagnosed with Endometriosis.  I suffered through infertility treatments.  I was blessed enough to have IVF treatments which resulted in a twin pregnancy.  My sweet boys we born at 31 weeks and had to spend 5 weeks in the NICU.  Michael had a PDA which required two heart surgeries to have to closed which also resulted in a tear in his heart that is now a constant source of concern.  Patrick had Torticollis, and a wedged L2 vertebrae.  This past January he was also dianogsosed with Sensory Processing Disorder with Autistic Tendencies.  This is just a small snapshot.  I am also passionate about child nutrition & hunger, real food, natural living, I’m also a book nerd, history geek, and so so much more.

Do I share these things for pity or sympathy?  Absolutely not.  I suppose some may think so.  I share these things so others know they are not alone.  To inspire others to share their struggles, their triumphs, their lives.  We live in an amazing age in which we are connected to the WORLD through social media and the internet.  We have at our disposal a wealth of knowledge.  An infinite support system.

Why would we not let people know they are not alone?  Why do we allow ourselves to suffer and struggle in silence?  Have we created such a stigma in our society that we feel the need to create a persona of perfection and not let others know that our child has a learning disability?  That we can not get pregnant?  That we struggle with weight loss because of a disease called PCOS?  Why!?!?  I want to shout it from the rooftops that you are not alone!  I am here!  We all are here!  I don’t judge.  Do you?  Perhaps this is why people are so afraid to share their hurts, their struggles.  But why are we so afraid of being judged?  I have always lived by the policy (since I was very very young) that I do not care what others things of me.  I am living my life for me, not anyone else.  I so wish that we lived in a World that promoted this.  I do think we are moving that way.  I can easily see my children’s generation being very accepting and understanding of all differences and opinions.  Or perhaps this is just my hope.

All I know is I will continue to share.  I will continue to fight.  Even for those who suffer in silence.  But I know that people are watching and listening.  I absolutely love that I often get a message out of the blue from someone regarding one of the many things I talk about, whether it’s infertility, Autisim, PCOS, you name it.  And if I can be there to listen, to champion, to help, to care, then my heart is happy.  I love nothing more than helping people and striving to make a difference, if just a sliver, in this oh-so-crazy World.