To My Husband On Father’s Day

Often people ask me, “how do you do it” and typically I answer “I don’t know”.  Do I chalk it up to my lists that have lists? Or my crazy organizing and time management skills?  How about the fact that I have always been a master at multitasking? Yes, all of these certainly ring true but I also have a secret weapon. That secret weapon is you.

We are a team, we have always been a team. (Except when you were peeking into the bathroom with one eye half open as I administered fertility injections <insert cry laughing emoji>). We divide and conquer. Perhaps we were thrown into being a team when we were handed premature twin babies but I think it started long before that.

The only way for a household of dual career parents to stay sane and run smoothly is for both (for those who are blessed to have two) heads of it to work as a cohesive team. We both do pick ups and drop offs. While I am sitting at dance lessons you are at home getting dinner ready and on the table for the minute we come barreling through the door. You’ll do the dishes, laundry, cut the grass, take out the trash, build legos, pack  lunches, handle vet or doctor appointments, run to the grocery store, call the insurance company, and everything in between.  Sure, we each have our “tasks” that we have taken ownership over but neither of us hesitate to jump in when needed.

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The moment you became a father you embraced the roll with your whole being.  It’s you who texts the daycare/preschool multiple times a day to check on your sweet boys, you make them breakfast each morning and help tuck them in at night.  You love to snuggle them and they love you for it.  Our twins have the best example of what a loving, hardworking, caring father is and I know they will be better humans for it.

I am blessed to share my life with you.  You are my champion, my cheerleader, and my best friend.  When I’m feeling at my lowest and want to give up on something you remind me why I started and that nothing can stop me.  Sometimes we need to take a different road, or pick a new direction, but we can not give up.

Your strength and protectiveness are the rock of our family. Your heart of gold and patience fills our home with love. Your boys adore you.  I adore you.  You are our world and we love you.  Happy Father’s Day.

 

Why me God?

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Last night as I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep I had a quick reflection of my life’s journey to parenthood and as a parent.  I started wondering if it all was some sort of cruel joke.

It’s not a secret we struggled to get pregnant and needed IVF to conceive.  But let’s recap the rest:

  • High risk pregnancy that led to pre-term labor at 26 weeks.
  • Our twins were born via emergency c-section at 31 weeks spending 5 weeks in the NICU.
  • Can we say doctor’s appointments?
  • Michael had two heart surgeries before 6 months of age leading to a permanent heart defect.
  • Patrick had Tortocollis that required many months of therapy.
  • At 14 months the twins needed tubes in their ears after hearing tests discovered they were not hearing well at all.
  • Both boys needed speech therapy by 20 months due to obvious significant delays.
  • Just over two years of age we were on the path to discovering Patrick’s Autistic Tendencies and Sensory Processing Disorder.
  • At three they needed another set of tubes and their adenoids out.
  • Patrick has been in and out of Speech and Occupational Therapy his entire life.
  • Michael has been continuing to show signs of being Gender Creative/Expansive meaning he tends to present as a female in his interests and dress preferences.

I’m sure there are other nuances in there that I have left out but you get the jist.  All of these added together could make me want to shrivel into a ball and hide in my bed.  I could be angry, so angry.  Why me?  But yet.  Why me?  Why am I so blessed?  Why was I chosen to have such amazing, challenging, and rewarding children?

Has it been easy?  God no.  Will it get easier?  Oh heck no.  What it does do is challenge me on a daily basis.  Challenges me to think outside the box.  To be an advocate and ally for my children.  Challenges me to educate the world.

I refuse to ever let my children feel they are less than they are.  They may be different, and different can be amazing.  It is amazing.  They will know that they are loved, cherished, and supported.  They will always know that they have a safe haven in the arms of their mom and dad.  We will love and support them for who they are and who they become.

So yes, why me God?  Why was I chosen to have these two special humans in my care?  I am grateful.  I am blessed beyond words.

 

Lead with Love.

When will we stop living a world that focuses more on ourselves and less on everyone else?  When will we stop allowing the lives of others and their opinions to drive us to hate and violence?  I want to raise my children in a world that doesn’t judge the color of your skin, the place of worship you walk in to, the person you love, the bathroom you use, the car you drive, the clothes you wear, or the passions you pursue.  I want to raise my children in a world that embraces love and inclusion, a world that looks on the inside first.

This is not a political debate.  This is not about guns or gun control.  This is not about who should use what bathroom.  This is about simple human principles.  Principles that this country was founded on.  The idea that we can have an opinion, follow any religion we choose, and be who we want are the guiding principles that led the settlers here in the first place.

Why do we allow what others say or do or how they live their lives effect us so much?  If someone decides they love someone of the same sex how does that change your life?  If someone decides they have been trapped in the wrong body their whole life and decide to change that to actually feel comfortable in their own skin how does that influence your life?  If someone decides to worship Allah, or Buddha, Jesus, or Zeus, does that have any hindrance on your choice of worship?  If someone decides to color their hair purple and cover them self in tattoos does that have any impact on your life what so ever?

The beauty of our country, of our freedom, is that you do not need to agree or like it, but does that give you a right to belittle someone?  To give them dirty looks, throw slander or take to social media and blast them?  How does someone being different than you give you any right to shame them, hurt them, fight with them, or worse?

How someone chooses to live their life and the opinions he or she has has absolutely no effect on your life at all.  Do you have to agree or like it?  No.  Should you move through showing mutual respect and acceptance?  Yes.  Until we can come together in a unified stance as a humanity we will not be able to defeat those who want to bring us down.  If we come together and allow love to prevail then we will be able to squeeze out those who fall out of line, those groups who believe their religion is superior and our ways inferior.  Until we lead with love nothing will change.

I want my children to grow up in and raise their children in a world that focuses on love and inclusion.  The only element of life that will ever win is love.  It doesn’t matter what war we are fighting, who the President is or isn’t, how many religions or ethnicities there are, love will always win.  I am not sure what it will take for our country, our world, to realize this fundamental truth and come together, but I sure hope that no more lives need to be lost to senseless acts of hate and violence before it does.  Lead with love.