Why me God?


Last night as I was laying in bed trying to go to sleep I had a quick reflection of my life’s journey to parenthood and as a parent.  I started wondering if it all was some sort of cruel joke.

It’s not a secret we struggled to get pregnant and needed IVF to conceive.  But let’s recap the rest:

  • High risk pregnancy that led to pre-term labor at 26 weeks.
  • Our twins were born via emergency c-section at 31 weeks spending 5 weeks in the NICU.
  • Can we say doctor’s appointments?
  • Michael had two heart surgeries before 6 months of age leading to a permanent heart defect.
  • Patrick had Tortocollis that required many months of therapy.
  • At 14 months the twins needed tubes in their ears after hearing tests discovered they were not hearing well at all.
  • Both boys needed speech therapy by 20 months due to obvious significant delays.
  • Just over two years of age we were on the path to discovering Patrick’s Autistic Tendencies and Sensory Processing Disorder.
  • At three they needed another set of tubes and their adenoids out.
  • Patrick has been in and out of Speech and Occupational Therapy his entire life.
  • Michael has been continuing to show signs of being Gender Creative/Expansive meaning he tends to present as a female in his interests and dress preferences.

I’m sure there are other nuances in there that I have left out but you get the jist.  All of these added together could make me want to shrivel into a ball and hide in my bed.  I could be angry, so angry.  Why me?  But yet.  Why me?  Why am I so blessed?  Why was I chosen to have such amazing, challenging, and rewarding children?

Has it been easy?  God no.  Will it get easier?  Oh heck no.  What it does do is challenge me on a daily basis.  Challenges me to think outside the box.  To be an advocate and ally for my children.  Challenges me to educate the world.

I refuse to ever let my children feel they are less than they are.  They may be different, and different can be amazing.  It is amazing.  They will know that they are loved, cherished, and supported.  They will always know that they have a safe haven in the arms of their mom and dad.  We will love and support them for who they are and who they become.

So yes, why me God?  Why was I chosen to have these two special humans in my care?  I am grateful.  I am blessed beyond words.



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